sleeping mix of the day...

1 mg Xanex
10 mg Ambien
50 mg Benadryl

TGIF

Friday, my favorite day of the week!! I am trying to relax from my day at work. I just got off the phone with my uncle. I had asked why, after numerous attempts to talk to my cousins and nephew, I have been ignored. My daughter gets along with my nephew, her cousin, but we live a bit far from each other -- about an hour. I have offered to get him and bring him back. Or just do something in his neck of the woods. No, nope, nothing, not even a response. I guess I should take that as a hint? Apparently, my uncle has told me that him and his wife had been going through some marital problems. His wife "apparently" read some of my emails to him and felt that I was his "advisor" and encouraging a divorce. My uncle is years older and much wiser than I. I was trying to be there for him, when his family annihilated him. I told him that I visit with him and a family lawyer if he chose to go to one. I work in a law office, but I am not an attorney, nor do I pretend to be one. But his wife has portrayed to the rest of my family that I am trying to break them up. So my daughter, who has nothing to do with any of this...wants to spend time with her cousin, can't because of some emails that were written between myself and my uncle. Retarded, right? Sad and disappointed. I have at least tried and extended an invitation and if they choose to continue to ignore us, then what else is left? I guess we resume our other activities. What does that teach my own daughter about family life? I hope that she is a devoted person to her family. My family is priority, always. I guess we can't pick who or what our family is, we are just born into a family, supposedly. Life.

another parent meeting

Indeed, another parent meeting. I have made it through the hour long meeting and have already sent out an email to the coach to ask any other questions that I may have missed in the meeting. I am scared that my one and only child will be cursed with the same disease. She has symptoms of arthritis, but then again I could just be biased. I want her to do all the things that I used to be able to do and now I have no control and no ability to do so. Even the little things like opening jars...when that finally happened...I was saddened even more. It seems as though a little of me, leaves me, every day, hour and minute.

lagging

This morning was quite the painful experience. I could barely open my eyes and my right eye just aches. My feet ache horridly, but worse, my whole body just hurts. I am moving in super slow speed. I managed to get to work and sit here. I took a Vicoprofen, waiting for that to take into effect, my knees are just aching as I sit here. My boss asks why i'm not all happy and bushy tailed? I explain that I am in pain. He asks why? I say I woke up that way. I have worked here for over a year and ever since I have started, I have always been open about my Lupus. But for some reason, they don't get it. My firm even donated for the Lupus Walk last September and have always been manageable with my time and doctor appointments. Everyone just sees my physical appearance and nothing else. I see these people five days a week, at least 10 hours a day. I take medication every day and until just recently have been able to stop my Cytoxan treatments. Do I have to look like I'm dying to feel like I'm dying? Argh...

amazed

I finally got home after my long day. I went to my daughter's school and met with every single teacher, with the exception of one. I run to the grocery store to pick up my refill of Cymbalta and Restoril & I seriously hate my HSA plan. My work made it seem like they were going to pay my $2,000 deductible. Well they are, in time. Apparently, it is a coy way of keeping an employee. They fund it each month so that if you quit they didn't pay your full deductible. Yes, it SUCKS. I had to call my husband to bring my HSA checkbook and write another check for the balance. Let's say it was over $200. I decided to do a little grocery shopping while I was waiting. Well I ended up doing quite a bit of shopping. Now, I barely can keep my eyes open and realize that I need gas. I just do it. I get gas, yes while the car is running, as I am freezing. My daughter and I are in the car, trying to get warm and finally it's finished, yay!! My Raynaud's sets in and my hands are aching. I get home, grab the mail and head upstairs. First thing, take out contacts, take off clothes and jump into a hot bath. OOOoh, just what I needed for my sore feet and body. I re-registered my daughter for high school on the recommendations from the parent/teacher conferences. Now...I'm just hooked to being online. I check my e-mail and decide to post a little blurb. Ha!