reminder...

A small reminder of my Lupus today. I couldn't move. Yes, I said it...it was very disturbing. I wanted to cry, but didn't have the energy. Why am I so fatigued. Why is it some days I feel fine and others I just want to die? My husband had to call in to stay with me today because he just couldn't leave me like this. He wants me to find answers, but I can't...I ask my doctors...they don't know...they call me a "complicated" patient...does that mean I am a hypochondriac? Maybe? I couldn't even go into work...I wanted to so badly. My husband said that he tried and tried. Then he had to help me go to the bathroom. I just was so fatigued. I will never understand why my body does this to me. I don't think I could ever figure it out...either. I just want to be normal...whatever that might be...but it isn't this. I only got out of bed at 4:30 p.m. today. I slept for two days and half. Yes, that's correct. Maybe I'm over-exhausted. A couple of years ago...I was told to slow down or else! I thought I had...apparently not enough.