How it Affected My Child

When Brittany was younger, there were times where should would be waiting in front of the house b/c she forgot her key, but basically it meant that I probably was in a hospital somewhere and Brittany would wait for someone to get her, if I could get through to someone. Then it became all common. The worse part was that she was starting her teenage life, and you know how kids want to be cool and not wear a jacket?? Wearing ridiculous things for whatever reason, but if I was sick on any day and that could be today, tomorrow or a week later. So if it was snowing, she would sit on the step in front of our house with her instrument and wait. Generally I would pick Brittany up from school and if I didn't and didn't get her a message, she would start walking. If I wasn't going to come, Brittany's dad would come home to take care of her, but I would be hospitalized down in Denver a lot, which meant he went down to Denver to be with me. From a very young age, Brittany grew up because Brittany had to take care of me, which saddens me, but what can I do now? It has already happened. When my husband wants to go up snowboarding, Brittany would have to set the alarm at 6:30 on the weekends to get up to feed me and make sure I took my morning pills. I have slow release pills and it has to be constant in my blood or it would just be painful for a while and the other times I would be so zoned. So it had to be taken at the same time everyday.
(*name was changed for anomity purposes)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!!! I know it has been a long time since I have blogged. I have been crazy busy with all of my doctor appointments and my continued battle with social security. I understand that I just have to be persistent, and I shall be awarded at one time in the future (We hope)! Today was a good day for me. I actually got out of bed and took a shower, which is huge for me. I even left the house which is very uncommon for me. I went shopping @ one of my favorite stores. I was so disappointed...I had ten dresses/items to try on. Not even one looked okay. I just looked like an overstuffed sausage. It was just horrid!!! This isn't a New Year's resolution, but I have decided to at least lose 10 pounds. I want to be realistic about losing weight. My husband wants me to lose 20 pounds & my daughter seems to think that I can lose 30! They are both nuts! There is no way, I just want to be realistic so that I won't be so disappointed. I am sure some people know what I mean, right? I just called my pharmacy because I just realized that I was supposed to pick up some meds on Monday. I have supposedly already met my co-pay because I was taken to the hospital for an emergency and I am almost positive that I am probably going to get a huge bill that will cover my high deductible. I was trying to avoid that, but what can I do? I asked not to be taken...but of course they would not let me go. After that incident, I now have to be religious on wearing my Medic Alert jewelry. I was totally passed out and was unable to speak. I guess I just missed a few minutes or up to half an hour of time. Of course there were many questions. But after I woke up, I was able and coherent to say my husband's work number and that I had Lupus. Of course they checked my blood sugar...but I ate breakfast and lunch already. So they gave me some medicine to empty out my stomach. Ugh, this is the second time that I have had that done. It is just awful and pretty gross. Oh well, happy new year to everyone out there :)

home is where the heart is...

Home is where the heart is...until you run out of money. We are facing foreclosure on our home that we have had for almost 10 years. I was very upset. We can sell it, but I don't want to sell it. Waiting for disability seems to be forever! How can anyone afford to wait for disability? We pay into it for all these years until we need it one day and it takes this long just to tell you no. I know I made several mistakes my life, but my life hasn't always been great to me. I am paying for my pain for not working. I'm going to lose my home. I can't make a partial payment, only a lump sum. I don't have a lump sum. I just want to save my home. How am I going to go on? What do I tell my family? Please God help me. Help me save my home. Anyone and everyone that reads this, please pray for me.

just another day...

Just another Monday...isn't there a song with that phrase as a chorus? I have a full week ahead of me, also the fact that taxes are due Wednesday. I need to file for an extension, but I have yet to gather all my numbers together. Wonderful, huh? We have had some good and bad news. One of our cars was hit and will probably be "totaled" I'm not too sure if that is good news at all. But now we are down to one car. It was just a long weekend. Easter: our annual egg hunt was successful and both dogs seemed full afterwards. Our older dog was slow on the egg hunt this year, hopefully it doesn't mean his time is limited, right? We did watch Marley & Me and my daughter cried at the end. Everything was due to natural causes and it wasn't like something tragic happened. My daughter played for two teams this past weekend. She played for the freshman team and the JV team. Tuesday there are two games, but one is far away and one is at home. I'm not sure which one she will play and if she will skip her symphony practice. Everything is kind of up in the air right at this moment. My daughter is getting a used clarinet from her symphony. It is such a blessing because we have needed one for such a long time now.

situations

I had a big evening where I was helping an organization with a dinner. Last week I was able to help with a wedding and I was fine. It was very different this time. I didn't take my afternoon medication because I forgot to do so. I got home kind of late and took what I thought I missed. I couldn't find the stash of medication for the day. It was a very long evening where I felt scared and didn't want my husband to go anywhere. It had a tingling feeling about it too. I felt like I was a bit bewildered. Sunday, I didn't wake at all. Good thing my daughter knew to give me medication. She said that I didn't wake up that she propped me up and put meds in my mouth and gave me something to drink. Poor thing. She stayed with me the whole day as I wouldn't wake. One of our dogs was just going nuts and driving her nuts. She knew that was a bad sign. My husband finally came home and brought food. I guess I ate and went back to sleep. At one point, I had peanut butter in my mouth just sitting all day as I was sleeping, eww, huh? I guess I wanted to share this story because I'm ever so grateful to my daughter, who takes care of me.