spring time...

Spring is in the air. The official first day of spring has past and now we are in the midst of snow, ugh. Some of the things we love about living in Colorado. I guess travelling and coming home to it is very different than if I was home and it just snowed. I have to do a ton of things since I've been gone. We have no groceries is the first thing that I have to jump on. Since I have been home all I have done is sleep. I was so exhausted that I slept for three days through. I don't even think I ate during those three days, but it felt wonderful. My body definitely needed it.

During the spring my daughter got to meet my very old grandma. I was very happy to see my grandma. She lives so far away, yet she is still very independent. I miss her so quickly after we visit her. I just can't believe the love I feel for my grandma that it hurts. I have asked her to move in with us, but I know the different climate would be difficult. Plus, we live in a two-story house, but there is a room downstairs that I would have to move the doggies out of and insulate it better so she won't freeze in it. It is all exterior walls so it is almost like the room is outside of the whole house so the temperature in that room isn't great. I would be so selfish to ask her as all of her friends are where she lives right now.

Husband

What is a husband? Besides being the person you are supposed to be sharing your life with? My husband is hard to tell. He can be so loving, but other times I wonder. I wonder if he really loves me. Love is so difficult to understand. We have been married for almost 15 years and we are still trying to figure out the wrinkles in our marriage. One day, moment, second, we are okay, then it could change in the matter of a snap. Depending on attitude and mood.

family...

As we get older, together, friction is attained. Why?

I have decided to re-write this section. The scrutiny that I put on my own family was just evading and sounded awful.

I have neck pain today. I am not sure if I should use my tens unit or if it is just a stiff neck because I'm starting to get a cold (from the family). I think I'm just tired.

I have picked out my clothes for tomorrow and put out notes as to what I need to do first. I have checked out my week and it is pretty light loaded.

A new week...

A new week, another day passes. As we are getting ready for to fulfill this upcoming week. Apparently everything I made for last week got everyone a bad stomach ache. I have no idea what I am making for this week, but hopefully we don't all get sick. I think it is more like a virus that is moving through our family. My daughter has been awfully ill these past few days. She refused to go to the doctor, but I was able to drag her in on Saturday. The doctor just said she had a bad cold that is accompanied with a cough.


I tried on y new dresses last night and I have put on some weight. Almost too much weight that I can't fit in two of three dresses. I guess as long as I fit into one. It is quite depressing. The worse part is that I haven't been eating. My gastro can't figure it out, my primary can't figure it out. I have an appointment to meet with a counselor on Tuesday. I don't know if it will help, but it doesn't hurt to try. I have done it in the past and I don't really remember how it turned out. But I am sure we will all figure it out soon enough.

Reading...

Lupus Now had an interesting article called "Close to Home: Teens talk about parents with lupus". Lupus Now has always been a great magazine for me. It is more down to earth and easy to understand. They have articles that really appeal to real life people who suffer from lupus.

Lately, I haven't been blogging for several reasons. I won't go into all of that now, but I have been experiencing new medication: oxycontin. We started at 10 mg a day and now I'm up to 160 mg a day. This is trying to preserve the quality of life for me. So far it has been working, but driving is another part that we are working on. I try to drive to limited areas so that I could be less dangerous for both me and society.

I am still volunteering what I can of my life to the public. Some of my family members don't understand why I give up what is left of my energy to others. But it makes me feel good. Some people just don't understand. I don't think it is that hard to understand. It makes me feel like those family members are selfish. Is that mean to assume?

Everyone is sleeping or taking a nap now and I am actually alone, awake and cognizant to blog. I have been using the community bus. I never knew how to use it before, but it has been a blessing in disguise. I also made a great friend (bus driver), she''s such a sweetheart and has helped me on a large scale, even if it doesn't seem like it to her.

My family life is crazy. We are torn in all directions, everday. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. I am hoping that we are still having a strong family connection together.