realizing...

I have always been told that I look very young. Being asian/pacific islander, that is to be expected. After my grandma had passed away, my grandma's aunt died soon after. I was thinking to myself: "I'm getting old." My daughter and I had to travel to California for the funeral. My daughter and I were travelling alone. It is strange that I remember this...we are at the airport, going through security...unloading all of our stuff, medicines, belts, shoes, etc. It was just a last minute - weekend sort of trip, under duress [the loss of my aunt and the sadness she had right before she passed], after work, kind of late at night on a Friday no less. The security guard helps us load our stuff into a plastic bin, tries to be friendly and I literally snapped. After passing through and going to the gate, my daughter tells me how rude I was to the kind man. I don't really remember the details...but she said that he asked us where we were going, something about hope you have two sisters have good time and I blurted out...something to the effect that I am going to my aunt's funeral...As you can tell, I was quite pleasant. The thought that my daughter and I were sisters?? Pissed me off BIG time. I couldn't relate. But as I look back, that was when I finally realized that my daughter had grown up. Of course, in my eyes, she will always be the little, shy girl, barely making a noise. My daughter did a lot of growing that year. When we had news that my grandma passed away, I called in sick and took my daughter with me to go to the funeral home. My daughter had always been somewhat close to grandma, calling her "grandmama" - I guess I didn't realize much, but my daughter accompanied me to view my grandmother's body. I would have never thought she would go in with me...we literally were right next to grandma as I viewed her. I remember touching the blanket that was on grandma, she was just on a table in a room. Three months later, my daughter accompanies me again - to view my aunt, in her casket, a few days after she had passed. My aunt didn't even look like herself, she was swollen, bloated looking. Three months earlier, at my grandma's memorial, my aunt was all smiles and didn't even look tired. My aunt and grandma were close, they were cousins, whom spent a lot of time together, throughout the years. My daughter showed me her strength and courage. Which encourages me in my daily battles, such a blessing. I love her.