my daughter's invitation...

We finally got her last details done...took every ounce of energy that I had in me to get this all done. Her party is next Saturday. I've already placed the order for the give-away stuff, hopefully it will go without a hitch. I'm am praying!! I booked two one-bedroom suites for the girlies [she hates it when I call her friends "girlies" but I think it is so cute!]


Ok, why am I asking myself what is love? Shouldn't I already know the meaning of it? I guess there are many different interpretations of love, but throughout the years, it seems more about sacrifice, than love. Love of how a person looks, financial standing, etc. How much would you be willing to sacrifice? What would be most imporant to you as an individual. We all say that we love each other, we love our friends, we love everyone, but do we really mean it? Just because you are related to someone does that mean you are obligated to love that person? Love to me is a personal search for happiness.

Yes, I was madly in love [or whatever I think love is]. I have loved so many, but did I really? Now that I am older and wiser, was it more a control issue, infatuation, stability? The "what if?" question comes to mind. Now, what if I did this or that? But I didn't. I took the hardest road. I am not sure why. As I understand [thru upbringing, that God ultimately has a plan for us], or my family would say [social standing, stability, looks, etc.], which seem so mediocre, for a person that you will have to [supposedly] spend the rest of your life with. According to the national average, approximately 50% of ALL marriages survive. My husband and I have been married for almost 13 years. We totally love each other [or at least it seems very much that way]. I think we love each other more than we did when we first got together. To be honest, I didn't even love him. I was engaged and madly in love with another man. Many years later, I professed my love to him, now he is married and in love with the woman...he kind of put on hold when I came into his life. We had a spiritual connection. Most people believed he was just infactuated with me, but I truly loved him, just scared. In my heart, I have also held his heart deep in my heart. I finally tell him many years later...& basically almost break my own family b/c of feelings I've had from my youth of over a decade ago.

Why am I asking myself this question? I have no idea? I must be bored or something?

Our family is somewhat stable. Financially, I have nothing that I need. I hate going to the doctors, in which I spent lots of money on...I finally went shopping yesterday. First time in a LONG time, which is a rarity for me. I used to shop every other day, never wearing an outfit twice. Ok, so my upbringing is nothing compared to normal. I have the weirdest experiences, life just flashed right by me, as quickly as it leaves...maybe that's why I experienced so much in such little time. Who knows?