Lupus Awareness

"still trying to spread lupus awareness and hopeful to be successful"

This is what I keep telling myself as I try to get any information out of my facilitator to help me move forward on trying to acquire meetings and proposed sponsorships. It is so hard to get people involved in anything these days. I just wish I had more walkers. Even with the donations I receive, still it is yet to make any difference. I want to plant a seed, water and watch it grow. But, I have yet to make that happen.

Am I just wandering around alone? But we all know I am not...but I am not sure why it is so hard to spread awareness? Lupus affects how many millions of people? We are obviously looking for answers...but no one is really willing to get out there and do it. So why should I try?

the agony & pain of my ARMS

I never really realized how hard it would be not to use my hand or arms. I had to rest them, they were both beyond pain. I did everything to numb them and decided that I should try resting to see if that helped. Today is the first day I am at home kind of early because my daughter's practice was cancelled due to weather. I try to do the little things [that I think] make me happy. Until exhaustion overwhelms me. I had a good day today.

I finally asked for time off to visit with my family. I have yet to find out because [apparently] I have to ask the right person.

long day...

Today I finally got home at 11 p.m. My days are getting longer and longer and have I accomplished anything, except exhausting myself to death. Too many things to do and not enough to do it in.

My arms and hands hurt so badly. I had to put lidocaine patches on and put ace bandages over them. Yes, I looked like I tried to commit suicide. I took the pain pills and stuff and nothing is helping.

I am having tons of headaches, so I think I will try to ease off on the blogging.

tired

all of us are tired...all of us are dragging our lifeless bodies around...everyone seems to have a temper...and yet there is no feeling of any relief in future.

I came home today about 9 p.m. I had to wrap up my left wrist and lower arm because it hurt so badly. It had been bothering me all day, but I continue to ignore it. I finally came home and decided that it had to be wrapped. I am almost ready to take pain meds, but I am trying to hold off.

My daughter lost her IPOD. My husband just got it for her not too long ago. Either someone took it or she dropped it, then someone took it. I already e-mailed the administrative lady at her school to let her know if someone turns it in, if they could let us know.

My husband is being very ass like today. I guess I shouldn't say that, but I'm in a terrible mood and all he can do is ask me questions that make me crazy right about now. I just need to take some "me" time and relax before I take it out on my loved ones.

confused

I wrote a lot this weekend in a notebook. I have killed my laptop for the time being and until I get another...I guess I will just be blogging little bits and pieces. I wrote a note that I am thinking of sending to my family. But I am unsure -- because right at this moment I am angry and distraught and making a huge decision like the one I am about to make can work against me. I have asked for contact information for the rest of my family and have yet to get it. I believe I asked for it on the 29th. What I really want, is a confrontation with my father and mother. I don't know if I will ever get such a meeting, but I guess if I really wanted to, I could.