SSDI; Medicare; Etc.

Whoa!!! The roller coaster ride has begun. Filing for SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance). 98% of the time, the initial filing is always denied. Then we had to go through appeals, and I got scared at one moment. The last thing that I had was showing up at SSDI to meet with the Judge. If he didn't find me disabled that I would be left with only one more resource to try to get SSDI. But finally, the Judge did rule in my favor and found me disabled. That is only the beginning...I am married and when I was working, we are consider a middle class family. We had used everything with the exception of one thing. It was a family thing and I didn't know how the family would react. I know that I can sell it for my daughter's education, but other than that...I wasn't sure what to do?? I never was able to apply for Medicaid because my attorney knew up front that I would be denied. You basically have to be below poverty level to get Medicaid help. Now I am thrown into regular Medicare. Whoa!! Take a breath, a long one. Slowly release!! I was insurances under my husband's company sponsored insurance group plan. It was VERY expensive to say the least. But to have Medicare and all the little things I needed because I go to the doctor a lot and I take about twenty pills per day. I ended up with regular Medicare A & B. I had to buy separate drug insurance which shows that I would meet my limit and I would end up having to pay 50% of the retail price of the medicine to obtain, until I get to $4,300. Then the gov't will pick it up again. Yes, it sucks. Plus I pay a lovely premium for this too. Then there comes the medigap/supplemental insurance. It is insurance to help cover things that regular Medicare doesn't fully cover. I had to call about 30 places, spoke to 30 people (no kidding), which in the end - talked to about 50 people approximately for three weeks hounding me about their product and how much it would cost and all the little things, like ratings, the costs, etc. I went with a person, even though he was a company man - I went with this company because I felt really comfortable with him. The only weird thing is that he could never really send me actual confirmation about my policy over the internet???? I had to scan and send my Medicare card to him via e-mail. He stated "Privacy Issues" and that we didn't have secure e-mail. Then that kind of scared me. Does that mean that when I sent my Medicare card that other people would be able to see it? Or maybe they are being very cautious. I don't know. I hope I made the right decision. After everything, I even used a whole journal book from the calls and all the notes that I had to write, plus all the calls that I missed and I had to return calls to those people. Then we have my text messaging and e-mail. I guess we get all comfortable with this technology, soon we won't have to do anything, nor even move. It is crazy how far we have come in the last five years. I wonder what the next five years holds for us? All I have to say -- if I was an elderly person going through what I went through, I don't know how they do it or if they even understand it??? I think I can rest assured right now (Please God!) that everything is in place and that I will just have to deal with going to my doctors and everything just as usual. But after weeks of research, sleeping, discussing, - almost losing my mind. I think that I have some big relief! I am hoping to have a good night's sleep and not deal with that anymore! Yeah!!

It has been a while...let me start slowly with my updates....

In the end, I finally got SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance), thank you God! It just took almost two years to get it done. Now I am finally on Medicare, and that is another story that I shall write about because it is a crazy system! I am a young person that can understand pretty much any written information. But going through the Medicare & You is a joke for an elderly person to do. I could barely grasp it after three weeks of investigating. Since I am in poor health, I have to get supplemental insurance, a/k/a medigap. Wow, the salesmen and the crazy calls and how many times that they call you until you finally make a decision and even then they still try anyway. My own family could not get a hold of me because I was on the phone so much that even my phone died and I had to put it on the charger station so that I can still listen and make comments. I swear it is like they are all after your soul!!
Enough of that...I promise to go through my craziness in another blog. Now that I am home. I have started to feel so much better. But don't get me wrong, I have my days, weeks...and so on...there are times that I don't even leave the second floor for maybe a week. When I do feel better, I can schedule to do one thing that day. Adding other things will just stress me out and my body isn't going to like and will let me know it!!! I have pain meds and stuff, but then I don't want to be the person that just looks like a zombie and it is questionable if I even know what I am doing or what others are saying to me. I am totally different. That strong woman has disappeared. I am scared and now it is to the point that I can't be really left alone. It greaks me out. I know that I have dogs and stuff, but I worry about home invasions a lot. I am home about 95% of my time and watching the news is not something you should watch when you are alone. These days, news is just BAD news. I have been really depressed and wonder if I will ever come out of it. I wonder if I am going to spend my life on three anti-depressants to keep me going. I am so insecure. I lean on my husband for everything, but - don't get me wrong. He is a good man. But is more of a monetary person, where I would love to spend the money and travel and enjoy our time going ANYWHERE. He would love to just buy a gigantic TV. It is pretty sad...I don't take a shower without him and if it has been a while since I got a shower, a bath would be necessary. Then I would have to have him be with me. I'm scared to be left alone. At this point, I am not even washing my own hair. Is that weird? Apparently not, because I was watching TV on People's Weirdest Addictions. That stuff is pretty intense. I guess my abandonment keeps reminding me that any day, my husband won't come home. We have been fighting about little things. And one of our new Years Resolution was to fight less. It is only January 6th. Yeah we are making progress on that one. Yeah Right!!! Then there is my daughter. I feel bad when my husband dumps everything on her shoulders to take care ofme when he needs to do something or go somewhere. I feel for her burden and I know that this isn't what a 17 year old wants to deal with. Unable to hang out with her friends, etc. breaks my heart. But I can't have everything, right? I just wont to prosper like everyone else about life. I need my husband at all times. He makes sure that all of my medicines are put out and to feed me and has to give me my medicine with food every morning. Some days, He's such a wonderful man. But most days, I feel the resentment. It is so thick, I swear I could cut it with a butter knife. I know his life can't be all wonderful, but we didn't know that this was going to happen. We just have to deal with things as best as we possibly can, right?