Emotions

I wrote an email to my daughter one day at work because she was being so difficult when I talked to her on the phone. I encouraged her to go out and hang out with her friends and she refused. I think she was scared that my husband would be upset. But I had already talked to him about it. She spends all of her free time taking care of me, that I think she needs a break, needs to remember she is still a child or adolescent & have fun. I was practically forcing her...to the point, well we aLL got mad. She wrote me back, telling me that she was sorry for making me sick. She thinks that she made me sick?? I told her that God made me that way. Yes, it is stressed induced - but in no way has she caused my condition. It was so sad, she was sad. I guess I didn't know quite what to tell her after. But I just reassured her that it was not because of her that I was sick. I wanted to cry and just cringe. Why would my twelve year old daughter think such a thing? I love her to death and maybe overcompensated for her well being. It seems like one day she was the child, now I am the child.

All About Me

That was the title of the email letter that I had sent to all of my family and friends. I received so many responses, but from my friends. My family has failed to even acknowledge such a letter even went out. Only my daughter, husband & uncle have responded. I am half Filipino and half Chinese, so I have a HUGE family. For them to totally ignore the fact that I poured myself out, is disappointing. My friends were sincere, considerate & encouraging. Some of the responses were so sad...one had said that I had broke their hearts in so many ways. I never thought that would be feedback that I would be receiving, but hey, what do I know anyway?

I just got back from seeing a surgeon in Boulder. We've (he) decided to not go with the surgery considering the condition of my body right now. I have been given [yet another] medication to try for three to six weeks to see if it helps.

I finally talked to my best friend in Saipan yesterday. She was worried about her sister in California because they had to do an emergency c-section and accidently cut her bladder! OMG! But that's a big mistake. The baby was okay, but her sister continued to be in surgery most of the afternoon. I hope she comes out okay.

Today, we are having our house appraised [cross our fingers] to see if we can allievate some financial strain. I know it is a bad time, especially because the market is way down. But we need to do something. Plus, my doctor's appointments are taking up most of my work days...which [hopefully] isn't a problem. We really need this to happen because everything has been going BAD for us, we are just hoping for good thoughts our way.