friends or not?

My daughter has many friends. Her friends seem to change all the time...I'm not sure why?? My friends are still the same friends I have had since my childhood. I continue to make new friends all the time. I thought I met a woman that would be life changing. The only thing that stops are friendship, dead in its tracks, is because I made a comment about things I have heard of her daughter. [I guess, I would be defensive too, but] her daughter lets others [yes] including boys, smack her ass. I guess this shouldn't be too surprising because the last I think I had heard was how she would always hug all the guys at school. We all know the boys are going through puberty right now - they are teens, what should we expect? But even the boys avoid it being pushed on them. I heard today, she was showing off her boobs. Nice, huh? She responded to my daughter by saying I could see down her shirt. My daughter was sitting on the ground. This girl was leaning down so that Sam and her friend [who happens to be a boy] see down her shirt. My daughter's friend is beautiful and definitely has assets. This is not the only thing this girl has done...but we won't go into those details. I guess I have lost that friendship, it was definitely a loss -- someone so close and awesome going through some of the same things I am. I guess that's just a part of life.

Today was a busy day at work. I have yet to get accustomed to the time change. I hate waking up in the dark. I have been waking up at odd times which has made me seriously GRUMPY. Everybody is in a wrinkle...the women are seriously butting heads big time with the laid back gals and the stressed ones. I don't know how much more intense it could get, but apparently this has happened for a long time. So I am sure when things settle will be better. I had lunch with a friend today. It was nice, just to chit chat and get out of the office for a little bit.


woest me

Why, oh why did we have a girl? My husband says that he will start growing gray hairs from all these boys that are talking to his daughter. I admittedly feel the same. I am trying to stay open and ideal, right? What to do?? We were blessed with a beautiful girl. I am hoping that we have raised her well and she will make good decisions, right? Ok, why am I doubting myself? I just want to protect her...but, then again, she will have to deal with it on her own one day. Mom and dad won't be around forever to guide her. I just have to have faith. I just remember when I was that friendships, boys, etc. were so exciting and family was just blah. I wanted to do so many things...but my life was an intention. I was intended to be a mother, a wife and a friend. I have no regrets. I love my daughter and my husband. My life has taught me quite a bit about life, expectations and especially responsibilities. My better half says...leave it alone. My other half says...investigate. What will I do?


I have had strange feelings since Monday and couldn't put my thumb on it. I wasn't sure what it could or would be. It is like my maternal instinct is trying to tell me something bad is going to happen. It isn't necessarily me either. I find out the office manager resigned yesterday. Oddly enough I don't know if that is good or bad? He has backed me up on a lot of things, but has opposed some things. Generally, always had a hard time dealing with all of us at once. I don't know how much he got paid, but whatever it was, it would not be enough to hear everyone's bickering. I guess I never thought out of all of us, he would be the first to leave. There will be a replacement as soon as he leaves so we shall see how the office reacts to the new person.
I have been having these really weird chest pains. I can't tell what the heck they are, but I wish they would go away. I have decided to make an appointment with a cardiologist, but when I looked it up online, there are so many. I have no idea if I will get a response, but I sent my rheumatologist an email asking for a referral. I don't know if he will respond via email. I have an appointment with him, but not until April. I don't know if I could wait that long before trying to make an appointment with a cardiologist. I guess it isn't that bad -- cause you'd think I would drag myself to the ER room. Maybe it's GERD or whatever, some sort of indigestion.
I got a reply to one of my emails. My immediate response, as my daughter would say, was harsh, but I felt the email replying back to me was very harsh. Who knows, it might just be an immediate reaction?? I have yet to get a response to my harsh email. My family, including I, can be so over-draumatic.



Geeze, I just lost my whole blog! Now I will have to try to remember all the things I said?? Hmm...

I can tell I was sleeping while I was typing "World Lupus Day" because I had to make minor changes to spelling and some grammar checks. I have always had a problem with sleepwalking, ever since I was a small child. My mom used to tell me stories, where I would pick up magazines and try to go out the front door. Until this day, I still do the same, except I actually sew, post blogs, pay bills, etc. I think you get the point and of course, while I am sleeping I can make some crazy mistakes. I get very emotional as well -- I talk on the phone, write letters, yes, I am starting to sound like a crazy psych patient.

I ran to the grocery store. Even though I sent my husband to the grocery store three times last night and he forgot to buy my kleenex for my car. I have to have the small one that fits in the middle console. Yes, I am OCD like that. I bought a few extra to keep in the trunk. I have tissues every where in my house. I use them every day. And it has to be a certain kind. Kleenex brand with lotion. I bought dinner and snacks, brought it all back to work and marinated and cut up veggies and fruit.

I have to pick up today and Thursday. I am the "pick up" parent, plus the uniform parent. I hope my daughter took the sandwich to eat inbetween school and lacrosse practice or else, she will be starving and possibly might faint!! Even though I am bringing food I have doubts that she will be able to eat right away after practice - anyhow.

Last night, when I ran to pick up my daughter from the homeless shelter, I got dragged into we were there till pretty late. I ended up bringing food home that we served and just ate really late. By the time I got into bed and started doing stuff it was way past my bedtime.

I would like to know a little about my family history. I only get to know one side. I have many questions, mainly about my health, but just general ones will do. I guess you could say that my "inner" fears are holding me back. The separation or whatever it is called - caused trauma, now it always triggers the memory of being left behind. It is crazy, because it has been years and years now and I have yet to visit with my other side of the family.


The World Lupus Day Proclamation

WHEREAS, Lupus is an autoimmune disease that can cause sever damage to the tissue and organs in the body and, in some cases, death; and
WHEREAS, more than five million people worldwide suffer from the devastating effects of this disease and each year over a hundred thousand young women, men and children are newly diagnosed with Lupus, the great majority of whom are women of childbearing age; and
WHEREAS, medical research efforts into Lupus and the discovery of safer, more effective treatments for Lupus patients are under-funded in comparison with diseases of comparable magnitude and severity; and
WHEREAS, many physicians worldwide are unaware of symptoms and health effects of Lupus, causing people with Lupus to suffer for many years before they obtain a correct diagnosis and medical treatment; and
WHEREAS, there is a deep, unmet need worldwide to educate and support individuals and families affected by Lupus; and
WHEREAS, there is an urgent need to increase awareness in communities worldwide of this debilitating impact of Lupus;
NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED that 10 May, 2008 is hereby designated as World Lupus Day on which Lupus organizations around the glove call for increase in public and private sector funding for medical research on Lupus, targed education programs for health professionals, patients and the public, and worldwide recognition of Lupus as significant public health issue.


Another week has passed and here we go on to the next one. My crazy life is just filled with so many activities, it could make your head spin. I had to go over to my neurologist's office today to pick up some samples of Lyrica (Yes, my pain in the ass insurance gets funded on the 15th and today is the 10th). I was having chest pain, but I have had it over the weekend. It is like when my hand or leg starts to cramp up and I have no the blood accumulates in an area and it hardens, turns kind of purplish and I have to massage it or almost hit it to let go. I have been having that on my chest. Moreover to the left side and I massage it throughout the day.
Local Homeless Shelter
Tonight, my daughter and I go with our church to feed the local homeless shelter. My aunt buys all the food (funds from the church), they prepare it, cook it and then serve it. Since I am working, I will only serve and help clean up.
8 to 5 Grind
Today, I go back to working 8 to 5, like the normal person. I generally work 8 to 4:30 in the winter because of light issues. I have night blindness. I really depend on my navigation when I am in areas that I don't know. I try to stay to areas where I know and have memorized streets and fixtures.



Both my husband and daughter went to the movies, without each other of course, but to the same exact movie. I am supposed to say she went to College Road Trip and he went to 10,000 b.c. In reality they both went to see 10,000 b.c., but he went to the 1 p.m. one and she went to the 1:45 p.m. She went with two boys. I know my husband will have a cow. She claims to tell me the reason why she hangs out with those two boys is because there isn't any girl drama.

time changes today

We spring an hour forward today. Good thing I started changing my alarm clock last night. It kind of helps with the transition if I try out a day with the new time. I feel as if my itch in my throat is getting worse. I just don't want to be sick, yet again. I am hoping that it is just allergies and it will GO AWAY. I just took 50 mg of Benadryl.