my past taunting me

blurbs from a conversation:

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me last night. Although, I know I get very emotional when speaking of my childhood, I understood what you were trying to tell me. I guess my frustrations really lie with my own parents. I can admit that I can't let go and I continue to dwell on it -- but the person I have become today is because of whatever happened to me. As a mother, I am sure you can identify with me, if you didn't know why you were left behind to others [I know Kong Kong and Po Po loved me very much but they were my grandparents], without an answer as to why - indefinitely not knowing is just hurtful. You keep telling me that I should act as Christ would, as our daily teachings tell us to live life as God would have...the reason you told me that you don't speak with my dad is because he could not be with one [woman and/or marriage]. How can I have compassion? As one of his children, all I really longed for was an answer. My mother still stands by her answer: "Your dad could fix anything" or "He was such a wonderful man" well where the hell is this wonderful man? I know she [my mother] worked very hard for my so-called Christian education. I have gone to a Christian school almost my whole lifetime. The sacrifices they [my parents] made are in vain. Here I am, a mother, a wife. My own child does not know Christ, nor does my husband. But they continue to support me in the best interests of my daily decisions. I do not feel as if I should force religion on them as it was forced on me. I know that in the end, it was good for me...the duration, I was spiteful.

hmm...should this be something I should say to my aunt?

No comments: