May - Lupus awareness month

Wow, this month has just flown by...spreading awareness re: arthritis as well. I didn't realize that there were so many different types of arthritis? I've got rheumatoid arthritis, it may be due to my lupus? But, just because we see a rheumatologist doesn't necessarily mean you have rheumatoid arthritis. I knew, I had arthritis - but doesn't necessarily mean it's specialized. I'm in my mid thirties now, and it can be so painful. It was when one day, out-of-nowhere, well during a HUGE flare, my husband was trying to move me out-of-state because of another woman, ugh...but I was in deep depression, started just wearing totally black sweats, showered (which is much more than I can say now! It's been a month or so...), drove to and from work, stopped talking socially, also I could no longer look at myself in the mirror. I've never been so depressed in my life. Why is it when men cheat, it seems to be okay, run-of-the mill everyday thing? But, if a woman cheats, it's such a tragedy...and she's the neighborhood whore! I hate how men always seem to have the upper hand in everything?

I think the reason, that I never finished this in the month of May...bc May was a horrendous month and I am looking to God, more than I had in a very long time.  I ask God questions everyday, why me?  Not only does it affect me, but it affected my entire family's lives.

Last night, I spent a great deal on looking up organ donation in Colorado & Wyoming.  Since I had finally renewed my driver's license, I made my decision to donate.  There are so many things that they can take from your body, plus if you give a whole body donation, in the State of Colorado - they cremate your loved ones to help in "funeral" expenses.  One of my girl friends was pretty upset that they don't have that program...but just glancing over in OK, it is much more extensive and idk if it was the website that I was on...bc I was just clicking random sites.  All I know, is that there has to be a medical school or facility that could use her body, then return her remains already cremated.  Actually, if you type:  organ donation in Oklahoma free cremation...several sites popped up, but I'm not all that computer savy.

Due to whatever pain that I "may be" experiencing isn't quite totally lupus, per my rheumatologist.  He says that lupus pain can be treatable with pain medication.  I've been having strange things happening, pains, aches, swollen, red and definitely water retention.

Ugh, my life really sucks!!