finally...

Finally, I got Social Security Disability. It only took a little over two years!! This will save my family home. I have been praying so much. Also, asking prayers from all of my friends and family. At the hearing...I wasn't even sure if it was really approved because the Judge said something...I couldn't really hear, but I know the Judge asked all of us to leave the courtroom. As we left, my attorney turned to me and hugged me and said that we won!! I didn't want to get too excited until I see physical writing that I was approved. My order came today, six pages long, finally at the end - it claimed me disabled. Thank you Lord!! Now, I have to deal with the paperwork to get myself on medicaid and medicare. Which will really relieve the pressure on our finances. I don't even know what to do or say or anything. Ugh, I took a large, deep breath and let it go. It feels light...something lifted from my body, my mind, pressure has been relieved. Thank you, I will keep you posted.

Up In The AIR!!!

Right now, I am awake, while everyone in this house is sleeping. I am having the weirdest bleed pattern ever. Generally for years I didn't have the menstral cycle at all. My daughter is a teenager now, so everytime she gets her period, I get all the symptoms of having a period...then I spot...then it goes away. Today is a WAY different story. I am bleeding so much that a super tampon, liner & I barely lasted 2 hours. Now, I just decided to use the super tampon plus the night pad, so it is a little bit longer in the back, to get more coverage. I folded the towel twice over and it is under me now. I think I had too much sugar today and I can't sleep. Although I am super tired. I don't know what to do. I feel like I could collapse any minute. I have been praying for many things these days. But more than usual. The stress of having a life, having a family, then me-mom.

I'm worried about insurance coverage that I just got through my husband's work. I don't know where the brochures and stuff is located. So I need to go online, while I am fully coherent and read through a whole bunch of RULES. I just don't want to panic about coverage, etc. You know what I mean.

The next thing...ta dah!(yeah right!) SSDI. I am trying and it has been so ridiculous and they keep dragging their feet. We are holding on as long as we can. This financial burden isn't good for our marriage. I am sure my husband has many frustrations, but he is so understanding nowadays. But we have our moments. I guess if there wasn't any fire, we would be blown out quick. We are totally opposites in almost everything. But we compromise as much as we can. So basically these last or almost two years of unemployment, dissolution of every thing, sold anything of worth, even cashed out all of our savings. This is it. If it doesn't get decided in our favor I don't know where that will leave us. We won't have money, no savings, definitely bills!!! The last thing I heard from my attorney was on Tuesday--she called SSDI to see where my file is--it is on the decision pile. That is great news. Now we just need to have them to decide that I am eligeable (sp?) okay let's say my pain meds are kicking in a little bit which is finally some relief. I'm praying, crossing my fingers, please think of me! I need everyone to help, please.

How it Affected My Child

When Brittany was younger, there were times where should would be waiting in front of the house b/c she forgot her key, but basically it meant that I probably was in a hospital somewhere and Brittany would wait for someone to get her, if I could get through to someone. Then it became all common. The worse part was that she was starting her teenage life, and you know how kids want to be cool and not wear a jacket?? Wearing ridiculous things for whatever reason, but if I was sick on any day and that could be today, tomorrow or a week later. So if it was snowing, she would sit on the step in front of our house with her instrument and wait. Generally I would pick Brittany up from school and if I didn't and didn't get her a message, she would start walking. If I wasn't going to come, Brittany's dad would come home to take care of her, but I would be hospitalized down in Denver a lot, which meant he went down to Denver to be with me. From a very young age, Brittany grew up because Brittany had to take care of me, which saddens me, but what can I do now? It has already happened. When my husband wants to go up snowboarding, Brittany would have to set the alarm at 6:30 on the weekends to get up to feed me and make sure I took my morning pills. I have slow release pills and it has to be constant in my blood or it would just be painful for a while and the other times I would be so zoned. So it had to be taken at the same time everyday.
(*name was changed for anomity purposes)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!!! I know it has been a long time since I have blogged. I have been crazy busy with all of my doctor appointments and my continued battle with social security. I understand that I just have to be persistent, and I shall be awarded at one time in the future (We hope)! Today was a good day for me. I actually got out of bed and took a shower, which is huge for me. I even left the house which is very uncommon for me. I went shopping @ one of my favorite stores. I was so disappointed...I had ten dresses/items to try on. Not even one looked okay. I just looked like an overstuffed sausage. It was just horrid!!! This isn't a New Year's resolution, but I have decided to at least lose 10 pounds. I want to be realistic about losing weight. My husband wants me to lose 20 pounds & my daughter seems to think that I can lose 30! They are both nuts! There is no way, I just want to be realistic so that I won't be so disappointed. I am sure some people know what I mean, right? I just called my pharmacy because I just realized that I was supposed to pick up some meds on Monday. I have supposedly already met my co-pay because I was taken to the hospital for an emergency and I am almost positive that I am probably going to get a huge bill that will cover my high deductible. I was trying to avoid that, but what can I do? I asked not to be taken...but of course they would not let me go. After that incident, I now have to be religious on wearing my Medic Alert jewelry. I was totally passed out and was unable to speak. I guess I just missed a few minutes or up to half an hour of time. Of course there were many questions. But after I woke up, I was able and coherent to say my husband's work number and that I had Lupus. Of course they checked my blood sugar...but I ate breakfast and lunch already. So they gave me some medicine to empty out my stomach. Ugh, this is the second time that I have had that done. It is just awful and pretty gross. Oh well, happy new year to everyone out there :)

home is where the heart is...

Home is where the heart is...until you run out of money. We are facing foreclosure on our home that we have had for almost 10 years. I was very upset. We can sell it, but I don't want to sell it. Waiting for disability seems to be forever! How can anyone afford to wait for disability? We pay into it for all these years until we need it one day and it takes this long just to tell you no. I know I made several mistakes my life, but my life hasn't always been great to me. I am paying for my pain for not working. I'm going to lose my home. I can't make a partial payment, only a lump sum. I don't have a lump sum. I just want to save my home. How am I going to go on? What do I tell my family? Please God help me. Help me save my home. Anyone and everyone that reads this, please pray for me.