I have been so cousin [dazed & confused] made me so upset today that I cried until my nose bled [all over the bathroom floor] & I started to bleed in other places. My head aches so bad that I took a vicodin and later a vicoprofen so that I could drive myself home. Now my stomach is acting very strange, making some wierd noises. I haven't eaten dinner because I can't eat...I am so stressed out. I need to de-tox [de-stress]. I am seriously thinking of just pushing all of my testing for epilepsy until after I return from Europe. I think that I just have too much on my plate. Why does our families have to be so judgmental on us? Why do people judge us so much? I am sure I have done the same thing...[unintentionally], but why do we do it? How does anyone know how it is to be me? No one does...I don't even know how some of my friends and family feel, although [most people think I do], but I have no idea. We are all so different, in so many ways. My husband was so upset that I let my cousin get to me. He said I didn't need the added aggrivation and stress right now. I know he is looking out for my well-being, but I can't control how I feel or how emotional I get. [Although, I wish I could control it.] I am on instant messenger with a friend while I am typing this...& she is telling me about how her friend with Lupus saw Dr. Phil's show and how Dr. Phil made comments on how "Lupus is not life threatening." She is really frustrated and upset about it. And frankly, I am too. If it wasn't life threatening, then why would treatment be so toxic? But of course, I didn't see the show so I can't really comment. But people that don't have Lupus can't judge us. Again, I am brought back to my original story, why do people judge each other. Who gives us the right? I guess right now I am just frustrated about so many things...and I am going around in emotional circles. I wish life could be easier, but it isn't. Life is supposed to be a challenge, right?

No comments: