Senile or Perfectly Normal?

My maternal grandma died at a ripe old age of almost 95 (to be exact, two months before she turned). She had no significant health problems, just the fact that she suffered from dimentia. My paternal grandfather died in 1989, as I have no recollection as to what he died from . . . it almost seems surreal. I went to his funeral, several years since I have last seen him . . . saw my paternal grandma, as she glared at me for not coming sooner, apparently, as he was dying, he asked for me. I had no idea . . . I was abandoned by my mother to them at the young age of two. I continued to live with them full time until I was seven years old. When my mother came back for me, she took me to live with her, but did not get along with my father's parents . . . so she would encourage me to visit them, but then again, would say she wouldn't stay, she would drop me off and come back for me. In the back of my mind, I am thinking she is going to leave me again. Why can't she stay with me? So I never went back to visit them after my mother came back for me. I never got the chance to know my father. He was what we would call a "play boy", having many mistresses...and I find out it that I was conceived as a last attempt to save their so-called marriage. Yes, my life - is real time Soap Opera. Sometimes I do and continue to refer to my life as the Neverending Saga. Maybe it is my imagination that BAD things happen to me and when I am down, I always get kicked even further down. What have I done to deserve all of this? My husband believes in kharma, as for me? I am not sure what I believe it...if it is kharma, then I must've been a cruel person.

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