Pissy Day...

I guess I must've pissed everyone that I love off. I wanted my daughter to go out this evening and she fought it. I came within grips of information that she had felt guilty for having fun while I was in pain. I want her to have a normal life...but what is considered normal?? Well when a teenage girl wants to spend more time with her mom than she does with her friends...I find that concerning. Yes, it is loving...but she is yet to leave the house since the weekend. I don't want her to end up isolated...like me allergic to everything. Not allowed to do anything. I give her total freedom, and she refuses it. I have to say it makes me angry. But I guess that's what happens when they can speak their mind. I have her doing house chores that I generally reserve for the maids. But I am tired of her watching...passing garbage when she could help and pick it up. No, it could molded over and it would still be there. I love her. I want her to be loved. I know that I am not the greatest especially when I am in pain. I think part of me knows that she knows that one day she may lose me. But that could be fifty years from now. I can be here forever...as they say. Or until each organ fails, one by one. My husband is even upset with me...he even suggested that I stop taking my medications. Well if it so pleases him...I shall do so. I am tired of taking the meds...I know they keep me alive and it will be a painful process, but I think I am willing to take such a step. I don't think they take me seriously anymore anyways. Who knows who is hurting more?? All we do is have disagreements. Why does life have to be so complicated?

No comments: