finally, insurance??...& message to Dorie

This is what it has come to...I have Medicare A & B, seperate drug insurance, supplemental insurance. I think that is about it...but when you add it all up, wheew! I probably should've stayed on my husband's insurance. IDK, things change from day to day. I worry about everything, everyday or at least that's how it seams. My medication can be so pricey that I would stop taking or take less than what I am supposed to take. Everything is so expensive these days...for instance, I stopped taking all of my anti-seizure drugs. I know that it is a bad thing to do. I have to make sure that I stay home all the time. Going out a seizure just can happen. I find that when I am home it is more calm and I make sure to get a lot of rest. Sometimes that's not enough, but I do what I have to. Now I am experiencing dizziness, inability to see what I am reading and then it blurs out to the point where I have to take a second look and have it explained to me more clearly. This is not a good thing, to skip your medication, but I can't say that I don't because I do, financially, it helps me to get through month to month. Unfortunately, I have so many medical bills (which is a lame excuse, but it is life). Food or medicine, that is what it has come down to...and I have a child to care for...I know that my ability to do many things have ceased, but I still try. I definitely pay for it. I can't walk down the block. I can't watch movies. I can't even get down my stairs on certain days. And the others...I can't even get out of bed. But that's life and I have made my own decisions and deal with what I can.


To: Dorie, I'm sorry that you are going thru so much right now. I have fibromyalgia as well. It sounds like you & your husband aren't doing so well. It is hard on our partners to deal with our disabilities. It is the same for me, I depend on my husband for everything. If he wasn't here...I don't know what would have happened?? SSDI can be a long and excruciating matter. It was practically two years in one month! When, I finally got it!! I was really scared before my hearing as well. I didn't know what we would do if I didn't win. I prayed a lot. My husband took off work to come with me to my hearing. Your attorney will come with you. Be prepared to answer questions...in case the Judge asks you directly, which I assume he/she will. Your attorney will prep you for your hearing. Or at least that's what they are supposed to be doing. The only advice I can give you is to be honest. The other advice about your marriage...I would open a seperate account. You can keep it at the same bank or a different one, but make sure it is only in your name. You should do this way before your hearing. If and when you get approved. Then ask for your disability check to come through your bank automatically. Make sure your attorney knows this as well. This is just some preparation for your future. I guess that's all I can really offer to you. Good luck and I wish you the best.

SSDI; Medicare; Etc.

Whoa!!! The roller coaster ride has begun. Filing for SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance). 98% of the time, the initial filing is always denied. Then we had to go through appeals, and I got scared at one moment. The last thing that I had was showing up at SSDI to meet with the Judge. If he didn't find me disabled that I would be left with only one more resource to try to get SSDI. But finally, the Judge did rule in my favor and found me disabled. That is only the beginning...I am married and when I was working, we are consider a middle class family. We had used everything with the exception of one thing. It was a family thing and I didn't know how the family would react. I know that I can sell it for my daughter's education, but other than that...I wasn't sure what to do?? I never was able to apply for Medicaid because my attorney knew up front that I would be denied. You basically have to be below poverty level to get Medicaid help. Now I am thrown into regular Medicare. Whoa!! Take a breath, a long one. Slowly release!! I was insurances under my husband's company sponsored insurance group plan. It was VERY expensive to say the least. But to have Medicare and all the little things I needed because I go to the doctor a lot and I take about twenty pills per day. I ended up with regular Medicare A & B. I had to buy separate drug insurance which shows that I would meet my limit and I would end up having to pay 50% of the retail price of the medicine to obtain, until I get to $4,300. Then the gov't will pick it up again. Yes, it sucks. Plus I pay a lovely premium for this too. Then there comes the medigap/supplemental insurance. It is insurance to help cover things that regular Medicare doesn't fully cover. I had to call about 30 places, spoke to 30 people (no kidding), which in the end - talked to about 50 people approximately for three weeks hounding me about their product and how much it would cost and all the little things, like ratings, the costs, etc. I went with a person, even though he was a company man - I went with this company because I felt really comfortable with him. The only weird thing is that he could never really send me actual confirmation about my policy over the internet???? I had to scan and send my Medicare card to him via e-mail. He stated "Privacy Issues" and that we didn't have secure e-mail. Then that kind of scared me. Does that mean that when I sent my Medicare card that other people would be able to see it? Or maybe they are being very cautious. I don't know. I hope I made the right decision. After everything, I even used a whole journal book from the calls and all the notes that I had to write, plus all the calls that I missed and I had to return calls to those people. Then we have my text messaging and e-mail. I guess we get all comfortable with this technology, soon we won't have to do anything, nor even move. It is crazy how far we have come in the last five years. I wonder what the next five years holds for us? All I have to say -- if I was an elderly person going through what I went through, I don't know how they do it or if they even understand it??? I think I can rest assured right now (Please God!) that everything is in place and that I will just have to deal with going to my doctors and everything just as usual. But after weeks of research, sleeping, discussing, - almost losing my mind. I think that I have some big relief! I am hoping to have a good night's sleep and not deal with that anymore! Yeah!!

It has been a while...let me start slowly with my updates....

In the end, I finally got SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance), thank you God! It just took almost two years to get it done. Now I am finally on Medicare, and that is another story that I shall write about because it is a crazy system! I am a young person that can understand pretty much any written information. But going through the Medicare & You is a joke for an elderly person to do. I could barely grasp it after three weeks of investigating. Since I am in poor health, I have to get supplemental insurance, a/k/a medigap. Wow, the salesmen and the crazy calls and how many times that they call you until you finally make a decision and even then they still try anyway. My own family could not get a hold of me because I was on the phone so much that even my phone died and I had to put it on the charger station so that I can still listen and make comments. I swear it is like they are all after your soul!!
Enough of that...I promise to go through my craziness in another blog. Now that I am home. I have started to feel so much better. But don't get me wrong, I have my days, weeks...and so on...there are times that I don't even leave the second floor for maybe a week. When I do feel better, I can schedule to do one thing that day. Adding other things will just stress me out and my body isn't going to like and will let me know it!!! I have pain meds and stuff, but then I don't want to be the person that just looks like a zombie and it is questionable if I even know what I am doing or what others are saying to me. I am totally different. That strong woman has disappeared. I am scared and now it is to the point that I can't be really left alone. It greaks me out. I know that I have dogs and stuff, but I worry about home invasions a lot. I am home about 95% of my time and watching the news is not something you should watch when you are alone. These days, news is just BAD news. I have been really depressed and wonder if I will ever come out of it. I wonder if I am going to spend my life on three anti-depressants to keep me going. I am so insecure. I lean on my husband for everything, but - don't get me wrong. He is a good man. But is more of a monetary person, where I would love to spend the money and travel and enjoy our time going ANYWHERE. He would love to just buy a gigantic TV. It is pretty sad...I don't take a shower without him and if it has been a while since I got a shower, a bath would be necessary. Then I would have to have him be with me. I'm scared to be left alone. At this point, I am not even washing my own hair. Is that weird? Apparently not, because I was watching TV on People's Weirdest Addictions. That stuff is pretty intense. I guess my abandonment keeps reminding me that any day, my husband won't come home. We have been fighting about little things. And one of our new Years Resolution was to fight less. It is only January 6th. Yeah we are making progress on that one. Yeah Right!!! Then there is my daughter. I feel bad when my husband dumps everything on her shoulders to take care ofme when he needs to do something or go somewhere. I feel for her burden and I know that this isn't what a 17 year old wants to deal with. Unable to hang out with her friends, etc. breaks my heart. But I can't have everything, right? I just wont to prosper like everyone else about life. I need my husband at all times. He makes sure that all of my medicines are put out and to feed me and has to give me my medicine with food every morning. Some days, He's such a wonderful man. But most days, I feel the resentment. It is so thick, I swear I could cut it with a butter knife. I know his life can't be all wonderful, but we didn't know that this was going to happen. We just have to deal with things as best as we possibly can, right?

...everything falls into place...

Finally, things are looking up for us. If we didn't go to court and get a ruling...I would have needed to move in with a relative. Yes, we all know how that feels.
At this moment I haven't really slept at all. I was up at 6 a.m. and I believe I went to sleep around 2ish/3ish? I'm in a bit of pain, but nothing like a few things to help with mobiliity around the house. If I lay sideways, my left eye tears...and it just gets yucky. Then I feel like I have a cold. So I am trying the hardest not to lay down that way.
Hmmm...just right now I feel like I was back at work...calling, IMing, receiving text messages, going online trying to figure out everything for my family. I was just going to try to relax...that went out the door, quickly.
ahhh, okay I'm supposed to be trying to get travel information to go and visit my BFF with the whole entourage! It has been a long time since we've all been together. Who has ever used airplane miles? OMG, I never thought I would be so confused. I want to see how many miles it will take to book a rental car? As I dig around the website...maybe I'll have to call someone that actually has used their miles for anything. I've never used them. I just thought it was nice to collect miles, so why not?
Now I am losing my voice. Yes, I love that feeling, NOT! Today, I miss my friends. I can actually say that I haven't said that in a long time! I've been really depressed and I don't know what else to do...I just canceled one wedding invite, that I had said that I was going to go, but then my health came into play, then I canceled. I feel really bad and I will still send a gift, but now I'm wondering if we should go still? I will just buy a gift in case we go or not - then we will all be set, right?
My Husband has a doctor appointment this afternoon. He never goes to the doctor, but since things are lightening up on my end...we are going to see what's buggin' - you know what I mean. He hasn't been the most pleasant person. And I know the person I loved is somewhere in that mess. I know that he had some issues because of my illness and I thought he took care of it. Apparently, he said something along the lines of ... I'll talk to the doctor and we'll talk about it later. Hmm...I want to go along. But no doctor wants to hear from someone's wife on how their patient feels. Yes, I have too much information on how to deal with an office visit. I guess I try to do the same thing with my daughter...but then again, as a minor, I have the ability to speak to her doctor and be in the room when they go through their exam. Who knows?? Maybe he's having his mid-life crisis. Ahhh, let's hope not b/c I don't think that I will survive one right at this moment.

finally...

Finally, I got Social Security Disability. It only took a little over two years!! This will save my family home. I have been praying so much. Also, asking prayers from all of my friends and family. At the hearing...I wasn't even sure if it was really approved because the Judge said something...I couldn't really hear, but I know the Judge asked all of us to leave the courtroom. As we left, my attorney turned to me and hugged me and said that we won!! I didn't want to get too excited until I see physical writing that I was approved. My order came today, six pages long, finally at the end - it claimed me disabled. Thank you Lord!! Now, I have to deal with the paperwork to get myself on medicaid and medicare. Which will really relieve the pressure on our finances. I don't even know what to do or say or anything. Ugh, I took a large, deep breath and let it go. It feels light...something lifted from my body, my mind, pressure has been relieved. Thank you, I will keep you posted.