I have yet to leave my comfortable surroundings of my bedroom. Am I depressed? Maybe. I thought that I have come out of the depression "mode", but maybe I am slipping back into that [ugly] so called world. I have been trying to be optimistic, but after a is hard to stay optimistic. Diagnosis after diagnosis...can there be anything more that they can find on their way to make me comfortable? Probably. I'm tried of hearing the words "complicated", "complex", "unsure", etc. In reality, I see at least one doctor every week. Some weeks I see two or three...lucky, huh? I would say would think they would know what to do with me by now, but they don't. I have a Nephrologist, Rheumatologist, Internist, Opthamalogist...etc...therapist...psychiatrist...I recently stopped my therapy appointments. I had such a hard time getting to those appointments. I have been seeing a therapist every week [at least once a week or more] since 2004. I have been told that they would [in their opinion] hospitalize me. Of course in a psychiatric hospital. I have told them that if they decided [in my best interests] to put me in a place...they would have to deal with the ramnifications of me being separated from my family. I would be CRAZY if I was separated from my family. All the times that I have been hospitalized, my family had to live, sleep & breathe hospital until I went home. Was that selfish of me? Yes, of course. I don't go anywhere...without my husband or my daughter [my two constant people in my life] that keeps me sane. It's funny but the last time I went to Paris...I had to bring a dirty shirt of my husband...because of the smell [yes, I am strange]. My husband & daughter have a distinct smell on thing my daughter could never do...was try to surprise me, because I can smell her a mile away. I might have lost one sensory, but my smelling one...has increased [by far] amazingly.

1 comment:

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