Mommy Dearest...

There is so much that could be said about being a mom. I love being a mom. I never really quite understood why my mom ever became a mom. She is not maternal in any way and treats me in such a manner, which is pretty much appalling. It makes my insecurities that I have forgiven, come back to me as if it was yesterday. I feel very much abandoned by my mother. She never really took care of me, except financially. But money only goes so far. I can't even fathom the thought of actually saying the words..."I love you" to her because it isn't normal? I tell my daughter that I love her all the time. I am so interested in my daughter, so my daughter would wish that I would just give it a rest. I have seen some of her friends who wish their moms could just see them for once. Others get ignored, neglected, etc. Their moms are just busy bees and have their own life to live. Whereas my life is my daughter.

When I think about how my life was growing up, it makes my hands burn and my legs ache. I want to take the drugs to numb my brain so that I won't think about it anymore. I wish it would just all fade away. I think that sometimes the drugs are starting to wear off and I can't get away. What else is there left to do? Pray. I pray for forgiveness. I pray for help. Isn't that when we all look to Christ, especially in a time of need?