A new week...

A new week, another day passes. As we are getting ready for to fulfill this upcoming week. Apparently everything I made for last week got everyone a bad stomach ache. I have no idea what I am making for this week, but hopefully we don't all get sick. I think it is more like a virus that is moving through our family. My daughter has been awfully ill these past few days. She refused to go to the doctor, but I was able to drag her in on Saturday. The doctor just said she had a bad cold that is accompanied with a cough.


I tried on y new dresses last night and I have put on some weight. Almost too much weight that I can't fit in two of three dresses. I guess as long as I fit into one. It is quite depressing. The worse part is that I haven't been eating. My gastro can't figure it out, my primary can't figure it out. I have an appointment to meet with a counselor on Tuesday. I don't know if it will help, but it doesn't hurt to try. I have done it in the past and I don't really remember how it turned out. But I am sure we will all figure it out soon enough.

Reading...

Lupus Now had an interesting article called "Close to Home: Teens talk about parents with lupus". Lupus Now has always been a great magazine for me. It is more down to earth and easy to understand. They have articles that really appeal to real life people who suffer from lupus.

Lately, I haven't been blogging for several reasons. I won't go into all of that now, but I have been experiencing new medication: oxycontin. We started at 10 mg a day and now I'm up to 160 mg a day. This is trying to preserve the quality of life for me. So far it has been working, but driving is another part that we are working on. I try to drive to limited areas so that I could be less dangerous for both me and society.

I am still volunteering what I can of my life to the public. Some of my family members don't understand why I give up what is left of my energy to others. But it makes me feel good. Some people just don't understand. I don't think it is that hard to understand. It makes me feel like those family members are selfish. Is that mean to assume?

Everyone is sleeping or taking a nap now and I am actually alone, awake and cognizant to blog. I have been using the community bus. I never knew how to use it before, but it has been a blessing in disguise. I also made a great friend (bus driver), she''s such a sweetheart and has helped me on a large scale, even if it doesn't seem like it to her.

My family life is crazy. We are torn in all directions, everday. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. I am hoping that we are still having a strong family connection together.

Weather Changes

The weather has officially changed. It definitely has affected me and how much I have been doing. I just can't do things that I would love to do or even just get things done that I regularly do. I feel my bones are aching. My feet have had some upset spasms.

What does life really have to offer? I wanted and tried so hard to be here at this moment and what am I really doing? I know that I have been told that it is because my family will need me. I know that my family could survive. I always get so depressed during times when I don't feel well and this is just an extension of how I am feeling.

I am still awaiting the decision on disability. But it definitely sounded from their own expert that there wasn't a chance that I could be turned down. I guess I should be hopeful. I'm a young person on the outside, but from within...I feel like I'm 80 years old.

loopholes

I am still trying to get disability. I get a call from disability, yet again. They want a psychological exam to be performed by one of their doctors and for their doctor to write a report. I don't know if that is good or bad. Having lupus is a invisible to others, except for my loved ones that take care of me. So we all know that it could be good or bad. I am a little anxious.

another day in the life of me...

Today is pretty cold. I woke up pretty late, which actually surprised me a little. I generally don't sleep in past 9 a.m., but I haven't been feeling all up to par. I woke up and ate, then asked for a heating pad and my orthopedic pillow. I am trying to relax before my week starts all over again. My daughter is supposed to go shopping for a homecoming dress. I thought this was something we would be doing together, but she is going with a bunch of girls that she hasn't hung out with in a long time. I guess she is growing up and I need to give her some space. What will she do without me? Actually what will I do without her? Time has gone by so fast and I can't believe how quickly she has grown.